fingers cross

Ive always left the first page of a new notebook empty. Beginning the page after.
It started of with wanting to doodle or decorate the first page, because to me, the first page is what I would see, what people would see and what would make an impression.
Up till now, out of my many many notebooks that ive left the first page empty, ive never got to do any doodling or decorating.
One because I never seem to find the mood for it, two because Im always afraid it wouldnt be good enough, that id ruin it and there goes my first impression.
So there it will forever will be; empty.

I realise there are alot of things that I do in my life in my daily routine that translate very clearly onto myself.
Afraid of first impression, afraid of mistakes, so afraid id rather not leave an impression at all.

So as I fulfill my number two on my to-do list, created with my other two companions; i will now not leave the first page empty.
Hopefully never making it a habit to do that again, or if I do consciously, to actually do what I set out to do, not forced, not obligated, only naturally. Fingers cross.